North and South

Here's a geography lesson for everyone, as I try to work on a more 'serious' blog.


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The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar
General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family
reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee
Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first
names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car
races.

North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has craw fish.

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .


In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't
panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a
tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them,
just stay out of their way.
This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in
the same store....
do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all
y'all' is plural,
and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are
ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease.
You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are
saying. They can't understand you either. The first
Southern statement to creep into a transplanted
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective
'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy.
Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer
proper!

Be advised that 'He needed killin.' is a valid
defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch
this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely
to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required
at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether
you need anything or not.
You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own
shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas
taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a
lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a
driveway.


AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear
children, don't think we will accept them as
Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven,
we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
*****

Agin, from some unnamed clever source on the internet - hope you n' your kin git a kick out of it!