Alabama part 1: The Experience

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

Jesus, John 13:34

I was privileged to spend a weekend recently in Huntsville, Alabama, with some great folks, a couple who have been dear journey mate friends for over two years. Trying to describe the blessing of this weekend is hard to do. I decided to write a series of contrasts between some of the discouraging times in organized church, and a few snapshot moments of our weekend in Huntsville, as follows:

“That’s too far to drive. Why don’t we just meet somewhere in town?” was the reply I got after inviting a new acquaintance to my home for lunch and fellowship. This woman lives about 45 minutes away from me. And of course, there are the old friends from a city 3 hours away who are still ‘going’ to come and visit. None of them have showed up yet. Gas prices, you know.

Two women plotted for weeks on how they were going to work this out. Their friendship had grown and blossomed despite several hundred miles that separated them. One plan had fallen through, so they’d just make another one. After a flurry of emails and changes of plans that were beyond their control, it was finally time to pack their bags. They each drove eight hours to meet in the middle, their eagerness at being together making the miles fly by.

I went to church like I thought I was supposed to, faithfully, every week and sometimes twice or even three times a week, for years. The same people were there each week. Some of them ignored me altogether, others were ‘glad’ to see me if they wanted something. A few were genuinely kind and pleasant, giving me a hug of greeting, before rushing off to do their duty for the church, whatever it was that day.

The kitchen was filled with the sound of two women screaming for joy as they threw their arms around each other, laughing and crying. “Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s really you,” says one of the women through her tears as they cling to each other for a long moment. Then dancing for joy, they shouted gleefully, “We did it! We did it! We’re here! Yaaaayyyy!”

When my family was first saved years ago, we were told by the church we were attending that fellowship was most important. The way to have the ‘right’ kind of fellowship was to faithfully attend the home group meetings, Bible studies, and other church functions. One thing I remember about this time is the generic greeting from some of the people we saw all the time, of “hi, boys” to my two sons, close in age. Keeping their names straight must have been too much trouble, although I repeated them numerous times.

A man is talking to two teenage boys about their interests. After only one weekend of spending some time around my boys, this man tells their mom how light-years beyond most teenagers they are. They are great teens, and yet, it doesn’t really take a lot of intentional notice to see their special qualities. It just takes a few minutes here and there of choosing to listen. Knowing how to listen is one of the greatest gifts one person can give another.

“We have a great children’s program!” is one of the favorite tag lines of up-and-growing organized churches. This is code for “We have a place for you to drop your children off so they won’t bother you or anybody else during the worship service. After all, their little peeps and coos might distract the worship team from focusing on the Holy Spirit, or the pastor from delivering his sermon.

A beautiful lady with curly white hair is holding a little girl she just met. She tells her how beautiful she is and gives her a hug. Later, the man who was talking to the teen boys takes this little girl in his arms and gives her a hug. He winks as he tells the girl’s mom that he’ll take her any time Mom wants to trade kids.

I remember a typical home group meeting at our first church, everyone sitting there trying to look spiritual. It was usually very quiet except for the home group leader droning on with his Bible lesson, pausing here and there and asking if anyone had any comments. A couple of people’s eyes were often drifting shut, but they would snap to attention and put the ‘serious spiritual’ looks back on their faces. Someone might sneak a glance at his watch. A toddler might escape crying from child care in the other room, and the mother would jump up and whisk him out of the room lest the lesson be disturbed.

“I love the art work on your walls,” says a woman to the hostess. The guest is then treated to a tour of some of the paintings, each with a story. They walk past a man and woman in animated conversation, two teen boys waxing enthusiastic about their sports to a listener, and a little girl happily chasing a big girl through the other room. The woman’s husband, normally not a social guy, is talking animatedly with someone he just met. Normally this couple is eager to get out of these ‘home group’ meetings. Tonight the evening ends all too soon.

“I’m going to go wait in the car,” I snapped to my husband on more than one occasion when trying to get out of the building after Sunday morning church. He would be busy picking up scattered bulletins from the floor as part of his usher duties. My children, holding a wad of Sunday school papers, treasure chest toys, and lollipops, would be whining, “Mommy, I’m hungry.” Swirls of chatting people would be moving around us like we were a rock in a rushing stream, passed over just as swiftly and casually. We’d make our way through the crowd to the door, then through the parking lot virtually unnoticed.

“I have an idea,” says a man with a kind smile. “Let’s just give each other a hug, say goodbye, and leave.” So with tears in their eyes, the women give brief and final hugs to each other and him, climb into their cars and leave. It is about time, they have been saying goodbye, smiling through tears, for 20 minutes.


As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now abide in my love. If you obey my commands, you will abide in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and abide in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

John 15:9-11