Friday, October 15, 2010

Empty

I've been left wondering what people do when we come up empty praying for a wounded, broken or faded relationship. When we leave our spouse and take the kids, or are no longer speaking to our parents, or get to the point where we have to block a former friend on facebook so they can't harass us anymore. How did things get this bad? we wonder. We certainly had good intentions... we never wanted to fight with this person, we wanted a good relationship, we did all we could to make it that way.

Sometimes, though, you come to the point of realizing that you are just empty. You have done your best to improve the relationship, or maybe just manage the relationship. Or maybe some of both. Then one day, you run out of gas, like a car on the side of the road. The relationships in life that are supposed to nurture you are draining you and making you feel as dry and cracked as a patch of ground in West Texas in August.

You wonder if anyone is praying for the person you felt you had to walk away from before they drove you insane. You feel like YOU should, but you can't. You try, but the words don't come. You are just drained. You're past caring much about anything concerning that person or relationship right now, except that you got out of it with your sanity intact.

For many of us, especially women, there's still that little voice saying it's our fault. We should have been more patient, tried harder, given more. Like with the Institutional God, anything you can do was never good enough. We all grew up watching TV shows with 'good guys' and 'bad guys' and that's how we've been taught to view people in broken or rifted relationships.

Maybe the first thing that is needed is to try to stop seeing 'the good guys' and 'the bad guys.' Although in some situations one person was clearly more at fault, can people just agree to part ways when they can't get along? Even if they're related, even if they used to be best friends?

Better yet would be to repair the relationship, but I've lost a lot of hope for that because I just don't see it happen. What I see a lot of is divorce, broken friendships, extended family who won't speak to each other. I know God's heart is for restoration. Do we have to wait for heaven to see this happen? Today I just don't know.

2 comments:

Resting in The One said...

Amy,
I know how desolate it can feel to lose a friendship because of this walk we are on, or even other things. I wanted to maybe give you & others a little hope that restoration does happen sometimes.

My brother was very angry with me for 2 years, and has forgiven me and we are friends again.

Just yesterday a lady told me that her husband has cut some family members out of his life because of "religious convictions". She said that here they are, 5 years later, and he has just been through a very humbling experience, and he has apologized to his estranged relatives and they are working through the restoration process now.

My husband and I separated from his sister & her husband many years ago over a church issue. It took several years, but God softened our hearts and worked it out. They are some of our favorite relatives to be with now.

I thought it might be encouraging to hear of stories that end in restoration.

I have to remind myself of these stories. I lost my best friend when I became a free range Christian and hurt so deeply. I clung to the relationship for so long, but finally, with much grace, was able to walk away from it. I hope that someday we can be friends again.

My heart is with you as you go through such heart breaking times. *hugs*

lionwoman said...

Thank you, Sherrie! This is great news. I just haven't heard a lot of restoration stories - not from people I know, anyway. This is very encouraging to hear. I really appreciate you sharing!