After considerable discussion and prayer, my husband and I finally decided that when it came time for the parting discussion with the pastor, to try to be as peaceable as possible. This usually involves leaving out mentioning 95% of what's really going on when parting ways with someone. Maybe it was best this way.
Not wanting to bring the kids along and deal with potential emotional turmoil there, we decided it was best if my husband went alone to the meeting. He and I had decided beforehand that he would tell the pastor no more, but no less, than he pressed for about exactly why we were leaving. I wasn't surprised to hear that the pastor didn't press for information. We just deflected to the rather vague "God is telling us to move on" explanation. I wonder if God keeps track of how many times people have said that to get out of sticky situations they can no longer contend with.
But in a roundabout way, it's true. We can't live with the law-based, hellfire-and- condemnation laced sermons preached nearly every Sunday at this place. It's because the Holy Spirit has opened our eyes to the fact that this kind of talk is NOT our Father's heart toward us. No one can truly draw near to a God they're afraid of. And without drawing near to God, how can we hope for real sanctification?
The pastor accepted my husband's simple explanation without question and told us he was sorry to see us go, but that we are always welcome back. I know Jesus talks in the Bible about how he came not to bring peace but a sword, but did he mean a sword between brothers in the Lord who both love Him but have vastly different basic theology in many ways? There is no doubt, confusion is a far more effective weapon than black-and-white 'good guys' and 'bad guys.' Surely Jesus meant the sword between believers and unbelievers. But in my walk with Christ, virtually all of the contention, problematic relationships and outright alienation I've had to deal with have been with my brothers and sisters in Christ.
So even though I feel a bit disconcerted that a more honest and open discussion didn't take place, I also know that people tend not to hear things that don't agree with what they already think. They have to be really ready to hear something diabolocally opposed to their way of thinking. As many 'out of the box' journeyers have pointed out, really walking with Christ isn't about being 'right.' It's about being Love.
Perhaps at some point the Holy Spirit will arrange for a time for our paths to cross again with this pastor or with the people of this church group, and we can have more fruitful discussion. None of this is clear to me right now. I only wish that people could be totally honest with each other in difficult situations and something good would come of it, more often. It seems that rarely really happens though.
Situations like this leave me wondering about some of the same questions over and over again. Does love mean you speak up or remain quiet unless you feel compelled to tell the whole truth? Do people ever hear the truth about things they are blind to unless some 'bold' person comes along and lays it out for them? When does "love tells the truth" apply, and when does "love covers a multitude of sins" apply?
I welcome anyone's constructive thoughts on this situation.
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12 comments:
Lionwoman,
I am just now getting caught up with your blog posts. Wow, you have been going through a lot with your decisions regarding life in the building. I don't have answers to your questions, but I have found in my experiences that if there is something God would have me say it just rises up and I have this feeling of assurance even if what I'm saying puts me out on a limb a bit. If there is something that God would like for you to say and you don't, his grace covers you. There will be other opportunities if that is meant to happen.
Peace to you...
I’m glad you finally made a decision. I think being in limbo is worse than even making the wrong decision. God can work through our wrong decision but it’s a whole lot harder when we don’t decide and I know you’ve been struggling with this for a while.
The pastor probably has suspected your dissatisfaction for a while which may be why he didn’t probe any further. If he didn’t probe, in my opinion, you weren’t obligated to tell him more. If there was even the smallest possibility that he was open, he would have asked more. Since he didn’t, I would assume he wasn’t open. However, who knows what could happen down the road.
Actually, the sword Jesus was talking about is NOT between us and unbelievers but it’s between us and those we’re closest to because in the next verse he talks about the division between family members. That in my opinion also means members of the church since, as you recall, Jesus’ opposition came from the religious folks, not from the unbelievers. That was also true with the opposition the apostles had to deal with. Their primary foes were the Judaizers.
So, we shouldn’t be surprised that the world may accept us while members of the church reject us. When we live loved, we love the unbelievers and many of them will respond to that love, however, love is totally in opposition to religion so we’ll probably be viewed as a threat to religious folks especially if we start speaking up.
In my opinion, it’s just a normal part of this journey that we’re on.
Steph, yes it's been an adventure. Thanks for your encouraging words. God's grace covers far more than the 'institution' ever gives Him credit for, that's for sure. For whatever reason I can't put my finger on, I really am hoping that we cross paths with this pastor again. And believe me, I don't feel that way at all about most of the other pastors whose group we've attended. So yes, I'm thinking there will be other opportunities if it's meant to be.
Aida, thanks for your feedback. I think both the organized church and life in general have left me still with fear of making decisions because I've made so many wrong ones in my lifetime, some of which have really cost me.
I'm thinking you're right, DH was prepared to tell the pastor if he probed, but he did not, so perhaps it wasn't meant to happen at this time.
Thanks for trying to explain, but the 'sword' Jesus spoke of is still clear as mud to me. I may have to contact you for further discussion on that if you don't mind. I'm sure it's a fascinating topic that I have barely scratched the surface on...
Of course, we can talk about it more if you’d like. You know I always enjoy chatting with you.
lionwoman,
I just stumbled onto your site and I so richly enjoy hearing the wooing of the Father calling you to Himself in the midst of some very real events.
I love what you said in the following, and in my opinion I heard in that, an invitation from our Father to simply Be with Him as he in his timing will do so much more than simply answer your questions!
"Situations like this leave me wondering about some of the same questions over and over again. Does love mean you speak up or remain quiet unless you feel compelled to tell the whole truth? Do people ever hear the truth about things they are blind to unless some 'bold' person comes along and lays it out for them? When does "love tells the truth" apply, and when does "love covers a multitude of sins" apply?"
Hi Amy- Your questions are good ones and there are no pat answers at all. The answers probably vary in each each situation and relationship we encounter; as the Spirit leads I suppose. I certainly don't have the answers. I know that Love often requires a lot of courage and heartache too. In my opinion I think it's good you stood up for what you believe, and that you and your husband were thoughtful in it. I'm sure it was and is so difficult.... I can relate.
You'll be in my thoughts.
I really also feel it's very difficult for many of us outside the box... We try to blend with other "believers", but the differences can't often be easily reconciled at all. To many people the religious system equals God... as I'm sure you'll agree.
love to you and your family
I believe that "you stood up for what you believe" by making the decision to leave, that is- Just to clarify :)
Rich, glad that you found my blog! Yes, it's hard to learn to just walk with God and trust that the answers will come in time. It's diabolically opposite to the way we've been taught, isn't it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Hi Manuela, good to hear from you! It wasn't an easy decision to leave because there were some really nice people there and it was benefiting my kids to some degree. But really the religious atmosphere there was too heavy for me to keep myself or my family in, long term. Thanks for your support, as a fellow journeyer you get why we had to choose walking with God, alone if necessary, over whatever 'fellowship' we could find at this place.
I know what you mean we just can't 'blend' can we. Oh yes I saw "the religious system equals God" very heavily stamped into the thinking of the leadership of this particular organization. Suffocating isn't it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Lionwoman,
I made the mistake in thinking I should tell my pastor why I was leaving. The response I got back was a but of a shock to me (at the time). Now I understand it completely.
In response to your question, and I have no corner on the "answer", love does whatever IT needs to to bring us into communion with ITSELF and others. My guiding principle is does my effort at love serve this or not. How much of it is serving my need to be "right".
My interaction with my pastor was both, part ego, part wanting to serve love (and I imagine this will continue to be true, as I am human). I made an honest effort to reach out to him. His system (the IC) cannot allow him to respond in the way I believe Father would have us.. to love one another, and interact in the community of believers.
Seeking to join in the Great Dance with the Trinity,
Mike, sorry I am just now seeing your comment. I agree, we do have to stop and ask ourselves how much of my motivation to say or do this is truly serving Love, and how much is my need to be 'right.'
It's a simple guide to go by, if we can just remember to ask ourselves. Unfortunately, even when we've been honest with ourselves about this, it's still not always clear whether we'd be doing this person a favor to show them what we see as 'truth,' or if it would hurt them and hurt any possible future communication with them.
I just have to believe God will work it all out, in time. Thanks for commenting :-)
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